Sometimes I feel like I'm waging war against my body and the scale. When we start this journey, we always have a magic number in mind. Like "I want to weigh what I did in high school" or "I want to weigh what I did before I got pregnant". In my case, it was "I want to be considered a healthy weight in the BMI scale" since I've never been close to that number before.
But what we don't realize is that sometimes our bodies have other things in mind. It just might not be possible, healthy, etc to get to what you were when you were 18, or get to a weight much lower than we've ever been as adults (which is my case). But that doesn't mean we can't look good! I've realized during my prolonged plateau that even at 10 lbs "overweight" still, I really don't look like it. There's muscle tone and fitting into a size 6 (sometimes 8 in a small-running store). Things that people who weigh 150 and are 5'3" don't always have.
So it's felt like I've been fighting my body to get to my magic number. Like everyone else on here, I know exactly where my flaws still are, where I'd like to magically suck away the extra fat that is lingering (my thighs and stomach). I can see EXACTLY where those 10 lbs should melt off. But, I'm melting about as fast as a popsicle in a freezer. Or so it feels like. Since I finally busted through my plateau, it's felt more like crawling past in instead of busting. I've lost about 3 lbs, but it's a roller coaster. Here's my daily weigh in chart since breaking the plateau...
Yep, ROLLER COASTER! And it looks like a fun one... lots of exciting drops and painful hills. But, that's been my weight tracked over the last 3 weeks. I got down to a low of 148.1 lbs on Friday, only to bounce back up to a 3 week high of 152.3 this morning. And the average is right around 150 give or take.
So I ask myself, is this my happy weight? Is 140 something that isn't going to happen unless I get completely drastic, change my habits even more, give up eating out, drinking... working out nonstop? Is that something I'd want to do to myself.
And it's not! I love living a healthy lifestyle. But I love having Thai food with my best friend and boyfriend on a Sunday afternoon (with a fruity umbrella drink!). And the occasional beer. And skipping a workout to hang out with my kickball team. Its a balance. Could I get down to 140 in 5 weeks? Sure, but it'll suck. And it's not something I want to do to myself.
In short, I'm taking a bit of a new perspective on things. My aim is still going to be 140, but I'm not going to go nuts just to achieve it. I believe that in time, my body is adjusting to lower and lower weights, so where it used to be happy maintaining around 215 lbs (badddd), it's now happy right around 150 lbs (goooood). And as I keep up my running and balanced eating and toning up my muscles with my trainer, I'll look much better, even if the scale is inching downward. Already I can tell my stomach is starting to flatten out (miracle!!!!) and wearing a bikini this summer isn't scaring the crap out of me. And that's weighing 148 (on a good day, haha). I'll get to my goal, it might happen in a month... or a few months... or by Christmas! But it'll happen. The important thing is that I continue to push myself, push my body, and not let it get TOO comfortable.