Tuesday, December 18, 2012

New Motivations and Old Habits

As this year wraps up, I've been thinking about the progress I made... and then the progress I completely erased. It's scary to realize how quickly it can all reverse itself! Photos from just early summer and spring seem different to one I took last week (and hated). The difference: 15 or so pounds. I'm only 5'2" so even 5 lbs shows up on me. 15 lbs has resulted in a new jean size...

It really easy to start making excuses and it's really hard to stop falling back into them. Well I'm on a trip so it's OK. But then my entire month of October was spent traveling. That's really the turning point in all of this. Up until September, I was hovering around 160 give or take 2 lbs. My clothes still fit and I was happy with my weight lifting progress. Then an entire month spend hopping around the country for work and personal vacations got me into lazy mode. Eating out, skipping workouts, eating what other people were eating, and drinking lots of beer. And my mindset completely shifted back to what it was before I tried to lose weight. It was indifference and it was going with my what stomach was telling me instead of my brain.

The end result of all of this is that now I weigh 173.4 lbs of this morning. That's a weight I haven't seen since I was losing the 60 lbs I lost all in one go between February to December 2010. I ended that year around 150 lbs. I ended last year around 152 or so lbs I think. And I'm ending this year up about 20 lbs from that. I have a bit more muscle now, but certainly not 20 lbs of it. Maybe 2 or 3.

Here's my chart... notice a trend?
It's like doing OK, weight lifting so it goes up somewhat in Feb-April and then I'm doing great through June. And then summer hits, I don't log the couple lbs I put on, finally fess up to it in September. And then there's November. Yep, I'm screwed. Why after 2 years of maintaining did I suddenly just give up? Part of it is laziness for sure. And the other part is that it is SO frustrating that I can't just be normal. I'm always formerly fat and I have to watch my diet and exercise a lot more than someone who has been a normal weight their entire life. It was disheartening to see that even if I don't pay full attention to it for a month, this is what happens. And now I have to go through the months of losing it again.

Here's the photo taken last weekend. I loved the dress, but I hated how it was tight around my hips and my face looked a lot heavier than in my other photos. And given how my pants have been fitting lately, I can tell where all the weight went.

So, here's my goal. One pound a week. At that rate, I'm looking at 3 months. Maybe it will be more, maybe it will be less, but by Springtime when I have to put away the sweaters I've been hiding in, I want to look good. I really wanted to be under 170 for New Years, and it's still possible if I stop screwing myself over every weekend. I want a different photo in that dress again, with a thinner face and less pooch around the middle! I really hate to be THAT person who gets back into gear for New Years, so I'm starting this week instead. I tried to start like 3 weeks ago, managed to lose like 2 lbs and then put it all back on again. No more screwing around. I'm trying to save money too, so buying bigger clothes is not an option!!!