Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Control Freak

I'll be the first one to admit it. I'm a complete control freak. Couple that with some OCD and you have a successful formula for weight loss. And weight fixation. And trying to control every little detail every single moment of every single day. I never really bought into the whole fate and destiny and leaving things in someone else's hands. If I want something done, I have to do it myself. No one can lose the weight for me, but some dedication and focusing on what I need to do right, I can get there myself.
Recently, the scale hasn't been on board with this plan. Like I blogged about yesterday, I'm on a roller coaster every morning and it's starting to get to me. And then I heard on Friday that my boyfriend (we work for the same company) is only employed in his contract job until June and then he has to "find something else". I'm frustrated that I can't be much help and other people he's talking to aren't being very responsive either. It annoys me sometimes that I have NO control over situations sometimes.
And I think that brings me back to my scale fixation. That's something I CAN control. No one else puts food in my mouth, no one else makes me get on the treadmill and run. I have the ability to make all the right choices and things will work out, right?
Yeah, if only it was that easy. By all accounts I am doing everything right. I eat my calories, I workout daily, I eat healthy foods, I get 8 hours of sleep a night, I drink my water. And yet, my body is stuck. Still. And I think it's partly because I keep stressing about it. That's not part of the equation for losing weight. And stressing about my boyfriend's job isn't going to magically make a new one appear. In fact, stressing is the least productive thing ever. Instead, I need to focus on taking action. Scale not moving, eat less sodium. Boyfriend not getting emails back, talk to my managers to see if they have openings. There are more productive ways to deal with a problem than stress.
So, I still don't believe in fate or anything getting me down to 140 or finding my boyfriend a new position in our company, but there are better things I can do about the situation than stress. And that's what I'm going to try to focus on. If I know eating giant meals on the weekends results in 2+ pounds for several days after, I need to be smarter about what i order. So, I'm still gonna be a control freak, but I'm just going to be a more productive one... 

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