Conflicted

Busting my 6 month plateau was both a blessing and a curse. I've always had 140 as the number in my mind, not 150, and I've never been the personality type to settle. So all along I felt that 150 was settling. But then over the last 6 months, I gradually became OK with that number, enough to change my MFP ticker to 150 and declare that I've reach the goal my body wanted.

Then something strange happened. The scale decided to start moving! And not inching downward and then jumping back up again. Nope, a steady march downward just about every morning and when it hit a new low number, it stayed there. No seeing 149 and then it was gone as quickly as it came. I've been a proud member of the 140s Club for exactly 2 weeks from today, when I weighed in at 147.2. I've seen as low as 146.8.

So, of course my brain starts getting into the "what if" mode. What if I can really get to 140? It's looking possible for once! 3 lbs in 2 weeks is significant, especially since I haven't actually lost weight and kept it off since December. I can honestly tell my body is getting smaller again, and I'm liking what I see. A flat stomach? Toned arms? Thinner legs? All signs that I was overweight are vanishing and I'm embracing being a healthy weight.

But, that nagging in my brain keeps telling me that I can get to 140! I'd have a healthy BMI for the first time in my life. I'm really be comfortable in my own skin without the extra pudge on my stomach. I won't care when I wear a bikini if people still think I'm an overweight girl trying to wear something she shouldn't be. And I won't be giving up on the goal I set for myself. I think it's a reasonable one, I'm 5'2" so 140 is the very top of the healthy weight range. My doctor told me given my body type 130-135 would be healthy for me.

The important thing to focus on is not obsessing over getting there. I'm going to let it happen and if I don't have a big loss one week, the main focus is to at least maintain the new lower numbers. That's really what will help it to stick, not some crash diet to drop 5 lbs and they're back as quickly as they came. I'm not doing this with anything besides good old exercise and a good healthy diet. I've cut out some of the things that were unhealthy, like fast food lunches and unhealthy dinners. It still fits into my lifestyle change, I love my delicious sandwiches for lunch with some fruit and yogurt.

Right now, I'm taking it one pound at a time. Focusing on how I look and feel rather than what the scale happens to say. But I've got to admit, I really like what I'm seeing and it can only get better :)