Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Give Up On Those Resolutions!

I have never seen my gym so incredibly crowded. But what else should I expect when my gym did a New Years Resolution Groupon offer for a month-long membership. So, I've decided that I need to start encouraging people to give up. There aren't enough treadmills for all of us. And here's my reasoning:

1.) Losing weight is hard. You're gonna have to eat the right food, workout regularly, turn down goodies 99% of the time, and in general live a healthy lifestyle. It's not for everyone... You might actually even start to enjoy nutrious food! Bleck.

2.) You're gonna have to buy new clothes. It's expensive to drop sizes and need new clothes. Your bank account would be much happier if you just stuck to the same size. You might even look good in those new clothes, which would cause you to buy even more!

3.) Weight loss tends to result into more self-confidence and a generally happy attitude. You're just going to confuse everyone. They might start thinking you're on something because you don't act like your normal self. Your significant other won't know what to do. And who wants to be "the happy coworker". Who wants to work with that?

4.) Plane trips are going to be more comfy with all that extra room in the seat. You might even be tempted to go on vacation and wear a swim suit! Who can afford that in this economy? Really, you're better off.

5.) All those extra compliments are just going to go to your head (resulting in Reason #3). Who wants to hear "you look awesome!" and "have you lost weight?" all day long? Its just going to distract from the important things in life, like getting that report at work done efficiently.

6.) You're going to live longer. Which means you might be around when the zombie appocolyse happens... or 2012 or whatever. You're going to have to start stockpiling for 20 years in your fallout shelter to account for that.

7.) Your doctor and pharmacy companies isn't going to be making nearly as much money off you. All those tests and pills you won't need. Who's going to fund the next Viagra or fad weight loss pill without your money?

8.) And lastly, you'll free up my treadmill for training for my 5K in March.

So there's the reasons why I think it's a good idea to give up on your New Years Resolution to go to the gym more. As you can clearly see, it's really in everyone's best interest :P

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