Wednesday, October 12, 2011

A Neverending Battle

It had to happen at some point: I got comfortable. I got a bit complacent, and I got, I'll admit it, lazy.

After taking a step back from being completely neurotic about the numbers on the scale, I felt a bit better about not having to worry about every bite and every workout. I was OK with being around 150, knowing that if I let my body settle a bit and then kicked it into high gear again, I could start losing. Well, I took a few too many steps back...

All the way back to October 2010. The last time I saw 160 on the scale (probably more like Sept. actually). But anyways, I've been traveling non-stop it felt like since the last week of August. A few days in California for business, a trip to Phoenix to see a friend, spending the entire weekend at my boyfriend's place, another business trip (this one was 9 days) and two weekend trips to Jersey mixed in there too. The result, a month of eating out too much and only getting in 2 workouts a week if I was lucky. And then I realized what I really had done last night. I stepped on the scale after finally being back in my apartment after 4 days of being gone.


I thought I was losing my mind. So I reset the scale and tried again. Same exact number. SERIOUSLY? I went from flirting with below 150s to flirting with above 160? In A MONTH??? It's possible to backpeddle that much in a month???

It was a wake up call that I needed. I saw how easy it is to completely erase what was effectively a year of work. I've been great at keeping right around that 150 point, but I know now that I can't let myself have that much leeway with what I eat and when I workout. I think the food is the biggest issue. All the restaurant food I've had lately, between traveling and with friends/boyfriend/family, is adding way too many calories that I'm not burning off. I need to make smarter decisions when I choose what to eat, I don't need a pizza with 2 beers and some dessert. There are plenty of healthy options out there, and I don't need to drink that much beer (although it is delicious).

And as for the working out, I haven't been making time for it and I need to. Part of it was the crazy schedule, but the other part is just not feeling like it and letting that side of my brain win the battle. I finally packed some gym clothes for tonight, and I'm going for an hour after work. I need to get in the habit again and I'm in dire need of some cardio to burn off lots of calories.

So the moral of this cautionary tale... ANYONE can slip up. I know a lot of people like to read my blogs for advice and a point of view from someone who really successfully conquered a weight problem. But, here's proof that it's possible to take a few steps back while trying to move forward in life. I don't like that my work pants are a tiny bit snug. Or that I didn't want to wear a shirt I liked because it was a bit tighter around my stomach. Or that I couldn't run a full mile outside without stopping (when I've done 5K+ at a time before).

But, it's a place I can get back to with some hard work and focus. I've already gone food shopping to get things to make for my meals (especially packing my lunch), I packed the gym clothes, and most importantly, I'm aware that there's a problem. And I'm going to fix it. I have a week and a half until my 25th birthday (Oct 22nd) and my one year anniversary with Randy (on the same day, haha) and I want to get most of this extra weight gone. I know a lot of it is water weight from all the restaurant food, so I'm hoping it comes off fast. I need to look hot in a new dress for that day! I saw 157.7 on the scale the morning (I know, terrifying!) but I don't doubt that I can be back around 152-153 by next week. And hopefully a few weeks after that be back into the 140s. I need to get that fire back that I've had for the last year and a half.

And most importantly, learn to balance life and the scale. It's not easy, as I've learned, but it's something I'm going to have to do if I want to make this change permanent.

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