I was wondering when this day would come, when I don't have to think about every bite that goes into my mouth and write it down. When I don't feel a crushing sense of guilt when I miss one day of working out. Or when I choose something off a menu that isn't a salad with dressing on the side.
And this doesn't mean that I don't still focus on my healthy habits. It's just that they aren't something I force myself to do 99% of the time. I just do it. I realized my overreaction to the In N Out Burger incident. It's not even an incident, I had one cheat meal and it was my first fast food burger meal in a year and a half. It doesn't mean I'll spiral out of control and start eating like crap again. Things like that are so much more worth it when you earn it and let it be a treat and not a habit.
But habits like going for the healthy options on a menu, or suggestion activities that don't involve sitting on your butt are good ones to have! I said I didn't really exercise in the last week, but when I thought about it, it wasn't entirely true. My window of what "exercise" is can be a bit narrow at times, since I'm not really wearing my HRM for most of these things. But on Wednesday I played kickball, Friday I spent 4+ hours walking around a mall, Saturday I was swimming in the pool (leisurely but I was moving), and Sunday we were water tubing. There was hardly a day where I didn't get some form of activity, and that's the important part! It's easier now to just have an active lifestyle instead of sitting around all the time. I'm burning more calories without even realizing it or accounting for it, and I managed to make mostly decent food choices with some allotment for treats (and beer... haha).
So I think I'm moving away from being in diet mode all the time. Yes, I still get on my scale, and yes, I still hope to lose more weight. But I'm OK with it coming off on its own. I don't want to stop at the weight I'm at, but it's not quite the chore it used to be to do that. It's almost become second nature, I don't question it but at the same time its not all I think about. The last few weeks of just dealing with "normal life" type things really helped me to see that. I've always been worried I might "fall off the wagon", gain it all back, but I've managed to convince myself that isn't gonna happen. I've made the commitment, it's stuck in my brain, and I know how to balance things.
So, moving forward I'm going to stress less about considering what I'm doing a diet, and think of it more of "this is how things are now". One day or one meal can never put me back to where I started 2 years ago.