No One's Perfect

I realized I haven't blogged in a while, mainly because I've been on the same roller coaster that I'm always on. Strength training has become my main workout activity and I'm loving it. I'm used to eating more calories on a daily basis and getting enough protein. And I still have my weekends and my days where all my best intentions go completely to crap and I start the week up a few pounds.

Like this week.

The day before Memorial Day I managed to get to 156.6 lbs. I felt tiny, my bikini looked good, and I was coming off a week where I had managed to workout all 5 days after work. And then came Memorial Day weekend. I didn't do too terrible, since we cooked our own meals quite a bit and only ate out twice in 3 full days. We did drink, but it wasn't excessive. Then the week after I only got 2 workouts in because of my schedule and I left for Boston early on Friday morning. Travel ALWAYS throws me for a loop, and despite my best intentions and efforts, I was up a few pounds on Monday. And then Tuesday was a baseball game where I threw caution to the wind and ate a HUGE dinner at the restaurant while drinking beer.

Needless to say, I can talk all I want but it doesn't mean much if I'm not able to follow through with it!

I honestly wish it was easier. And I wish my boyfriend and I didn't enjoy beer so much. Or junk food wasn't so readily available (try ordering healthy in a baseball stadium!). But, I've learned its about tradeoffs and making the best choices possible. Sure, I can go the game and refuse to eat or drink anything, but there's no enjoyment in that. I love baseball games and I only go to a few a year. And I only travel a few times a year on top of that. It just happens that it all fell within the same week.

So, here's my promise to myself. I'm not going to stop myself from living a little and beating myself up over it. I'm pissed the scale shot up 4 lbs to 161 lbs. It's not a number I want to see. But I know how I got there. And I know it doesn't stop me from doing my best in the next week to fix it. I didn't go through all this for the last 2 1/2 years to let one week drag me down. I've got the next 40 or 50 or 60 years to deal with life situations. There are always ways to improve, and there will always be trips or baseball games. What's the fun in being a healthy weight if I'm miserable?!?

So, to focus on the good things, here's my accomplishments for the week.
- I held a plank for 90 seconds without giving up! My previous record was 70 seconds.
- I can bench press 60 lbs on an inclined bench now.
- I can actually see the muscles in my upper back and shoulders!
- It's bikini season and I don't feel like a cow in my swimsuits. Which is good, because I own like 6 bikinis and a few tankinis!

NROLFW Phase 2 Results with Photos!!

On Monday, I finished Phase 2 of the New Rules of Lifting For Women! Given my short attention span, I'm happy I've kept up the program as dilligently as I have. I started the last week of February, so it's been about 3 months where strength training has been my focus. I still do cardio on my off-days (2 days a week on average, with one of them being kickball night), and I do cardio to warm up before strength training. The one challenge has been reeling in my eating on the weekends, and honestly every weekend is a battle. I know I can see better results if I stop sabotaging myself, so it's something I'm trying extra hard to focus on before summer starts. But, for what you really came here for, my results!

Change in Measurements:

Waist - 30.5" to 30" (P2: -0.5", Overall: -3")

Hips - 37.5" to 37" (P2: -0.5", Overall: -2")

Thigh - 24" to 24" (P2: no change, Overall: no change)

Calf - 15.5" to 15" (P2: -0.5", Overall: -1")

Bicep - 12" to 12" (P2: no change, Overall: no change, but way more muscle)

Chest - 36" to 36" (P2: no change, Overall: no change... good!)

Belly Button* - 33" to 32" (P2: -1", Overall: -1")

Abductors* - 39" to 38" (P2: -1", Overall: -1")

*Forgot to measure these things when I started, so I only have the results between the end of Phase 1 and the end of Phase 2.

Body fat % - 28.9% to  27.8% (P2: -1.1%, Overall: 1.9%)
Weight: 156.1 lbs to 157.7 lbs (basically I haven't lost any weight from the start. I'm the exact same weight the day I started the program. It bounces between 156-159.

Workout A:
Front squat/push press - 40 lb barbell to 50 lb barbell
Step-ups - 25 lb kettlebells in each hand to 30 lbs in each hand
One Point Rows - 20 lb kettlebells in each hand to 25 lb kettlebells
Static Lunge - 15 lb kettlebells in each hand to 25 lb kettlebells
Push-up - 10 pushups with feet on the squishy part of a Bosu ball to 12 reps.
Plank - 60 seconds... no progress on this one. It's HARD!
Cable Wood Chop - 50 lbs to 60 lbs

Workout B:
Deadlift - 115 lbs to 125 lbs (I didn't use the box, I'm so short that regular deadlifts are challenging enough!
Bulgarian Split Squat - 15 lb kettlebells in each hand to 25 lb kettlebells
Underhand Lat Pulldown - 100 lbs to 105 lbs (but it got easier, I wanted to try 115 but forgot)
Reverse Lunge from Box - 25 lbs kettlebells in each hand - no progress, someone had the 30 lb bells that I wanted yesterday to try
Cuban Snatch - 12 lbs each arm to 15 lbs each arm (couldn't manage 20 lbs, next highest dumbbell)
Swiss Ball Crunch - Holding a 20 lb kettlebell straight over my head to a 25 lb kettlebell
Reverse Crunch - 10 reps, no change
Lateral flexion - Honestly, I skipped this one.
Prone Cobra - 60 second hold, no change

And now the best part... my Progress Photos!!!!!

And here is a photo from today in my SIZE 6 FITTED GOAL JEANS! I used to fit in these when I weighed 10 lbs less than I do right now. And they zipped but I looked like a sausage in them when I tried them on the day I start the program back in February. And now they fit!!!!! I just need to have good posture, my muffin top hasn't completely gone away (and after losing 60 lbs and 5 dress sizes, I don't know if it will ever look perfect) but I'm happy with it. It just means no slouching!

So, here is living proof that weight is just a number... and a rather useless one at that. Do I look like I'm 5'2.5" and weigh 157 lbs? I wear a size 6! I can squat 10 lbs less than my body weight. I can deadlift 125 lbs without blinking (well, not really, it hurts my eyes, but you get it). And most importantly, I've finally started to break my unhealthy relationship with the scale. It doesn't mean strength training is the end-all-be-all, or that cardio is all you need. I do both, I enjoy both, and the results are what you see above.

Not My Best 5K, But An Enlightening One

I ran my fifth 5K yesterday morning through the streets of Washington DC. It was exactly one year ago that I ran my first 5K in the same race, getting a time of 39:33 with running the entire race. This time I got 36:26, and it was my second slowest time. I'm used to getting better with every race that I run. I ran my 5K in March at a blistering 34:51 (for me, haha), breaking my record by 30 seconds.

This time was different, and I knew it would be. I haven't trained outside because of allergies and moving to a new neighborhood that lacks a consistant sidewalk network. I've been doing more strength training, so my cardio was somewhat reduced. And I woke up with a stomach ache and sore muscles from my previous workout on Friday. So I went into the race with reasonable expectations.

Once I started, I could tell it wasn't going to be pretty. I was already looking at my HRM to check the time after 5 minutes. My legs were definitely still sore, and my inhaler didn't help much so my HR shot up to 180 within a few minutes and stayed in the high 180s most of the time I ran. Oh, and it was humid, bleck. But, I set a goal. Even if I don't run this entire race, I'm running the first 2 miles as fast as I can.

Mile 1:
Running towards the US Capitol on Pennsylvania Ave is pretty darn awesome. So at least I had a goal that I was working towards. Once we rounded the corner and ran in front of it, I saw Mile Marker 1 pop up in the distance and saw I was on a pretty good pace for myself. I crossed Mile 1 in about 11:30, so I was happy.

Mile 2:
This is where I started questioning my ambitious goal of running the first 2 miles. I slowed my pace and stopped to walk for 30 seconds at the water station. Around 20 minutes in and my lungs were ON FIRE (imagine Chalene Johnson yelling that in the Turbo Fire video, that's how I felt). Yes, yes I'm on fire. But I refused to stop until I passed Mile Marker 2. And I stuck to it. I passed it right around 23:30, for an 11:45 split. Not too shabby...

Mile 3:
I stopped to walking for a minute or two after passing Mile 2, and I really wanted to try to run the rest of it without another walking break. Yeah, that didn't happen. I was completely spent and I knew it. So I ran for probably half a mile, walked again, and ran thinking I was going to see Mile Marker 3 soon. Nope, it was still .2 miles ahead despite my Map My Run telling me I had just hit 3 miles. Not sure what was going on there, but whatever.

The Finish:
Passed Mile Marker 3 and knew a record time was completely out the window, but I wanted the best finish I could muster. I made a feeble dash for the finish and that last .1 mile felt like it was going to kill me. Crossed the finish line in 36:26 official time and had a HR of 191. Then I limped off to the popsicle stand and had one of those red white and blue rocket ones, haha. I totally earned it.

I learned a few times from that race. I will not always beat my record from the race before, everyone has off days and this was one of mine. I can't always count on hills in a course to give me a boost in speed (happened in the last race). My strength training is not a complete replacement for actually running outside to prepare. And primarily, even if I'm not going to break a record, I might die trying. I'm in need of some ibuprofen and an iced coffee today... haha.

A New Mindset

When I first started out, I was so dead set on hitting 140 lbs that the scale was the entire focus of measuring my progress. It was 75 lbs away from where I was starting and it seems like 200 lbs. And then I managed to get myself within 8 lbs of that goal. But I didn't expect to completely stall out before reaching it! I wasn't even a healthy weight by BMI standards, so why was my body being stubborn?

Well, after a year of soul searching, or at least answer searching, I've finally found a reason. Who the bleep cares! BMI is total crap. Does it take into account that I've got quite a bit of lean muscle? NOPE! Or the fact that I fit into size 6 even though I'm considered now 10-15 lbs overweight? NOPE! It's all crap... haha. I might be 5'2.5", but I'm a little powerhouse of muscle and determination. I don't recommend getting in a fight with me, I'm a fiesty one, haha.

So what it really boils down to is that when you're approaching your goal weight, that number is pretty much garbage. I know there are definitely women out there who do hit the number they set for themselves, but there are a bunch of others like me that don't. And that probably shouldn't. I'm not going to starve myself, cut out my strength training, and give up the things I enjoy just to reach a specific number. So I'm focusing on my waist and hip measurements, body fat percentage, and most importantly, how smokin' I look in my clothes and swim suits. Whether it's at 150 lbs, 155 lbs, or by some miracle I got down into the 140s, I'll survive.

But does this mean I'm never stepping on the scale again? Definitely not! I can't give that up, because it does help me stay in check. If I see the number jump up 2 lbs, I know it's because I let myself go a bit too much, or I'm super sore from a workout. But being conscious of that number is important for me to keep moving forward. I don't ever want to go back to where I  was, and seeing the number daily is a reminder of where I am in comparison. I'm just about to finish Phase 2 of the New Rules of Lifting for Women and I'll redo measurements, and take a set of comparison pictures from 2 weeks after starting the program. I'm curious to see if I notice any changes, since I see myself all the time and don't notice if I'm really shrinking. But my jeans do fit better and my size 6 tight fitted NY&Co pants are getting more wearable. Maybe in another Phase or two I'll be able to wear them in public again. My main goal is to shrink the muffin top and pooch. That's where a large majority of my excess fat is hiding and it's gotta go, haha!

For everyone who sees the scale everyday and freaks out because it's not the number they want, please step back and reassess how you can measure your progress. It's honestly taken over a year for me to get to this point, and I still beat myself up often over making the wrong decisions. But at least I'm not shooting for an unobtainable goal anymore.

Food Frustrations

Being a creature of habit, I love knowing what I'm eating each day, how many calories are in it, and how much of it I can have without blowing my calorie count out of the water. But throw in meals that I can't prepare myself and my OCD kicks in...

Take this weekend. The first half I was awesome and made myself dinner Friday night, worked out Saturday morning, and made myself lunch. Scale said 156.3, which is right about the lowest that I've been the last few weeks. Then I met up with my boyfriend and we had dinner out, brunch on Sunday out, takeout for dinner on Sunday. And we don't eat at places with ANY nutrition info! I can make all the awesome choices I want at these places, but I'm severely limited by the lack of available information. We were at independently owned local restaurants, so looking something up on a website isn't possible.

Usually I make my own lunches during the week, but yesterday and Monday I had breakfast on the go, lunch from a quick food place (Wegmans and Chick Fil A) and Monday was dinner out! Some had nutrition info, and I noticed that really steered my choices in the right direction.

I think a big reason that people tend to go overboard when they go out (myself included), is the lack of information about what they're eating. It's on just about every product sold in the grocery store, why can't restaurants be held to the same standards? Some people say "well, even if I know there are 500 calories in an order of fries, I'm going to order it". That's fine to me, at least you know what you're getting yourself into. But I think for many people like myself, having that information is a big deterrant to making the unhealthy choice. Especially with food that masquerades itself as healthy, but is loaded with fat and calories (I'm looking at you, excessively decadent salads!!!).

So, should all places that sell food be required to publish the basic nutrition info (I'm talking macros of fat, carbs and protein plus sodium and calories)? Maybe it's too much big brother, but the healthy crisis in the country is getting out of control. Having the information necessary to eat healthy is a key step in abating it. I know that if I knew something had more fat and calories than another choice, I'd pick the better option. Maybe it would force restaurants to rethink dishes that come in especially unhealthy.

I'm partly to blame for making bad choices at restaurants, but so many of us eat away from home on a regular basis. I don't think it's too much to ask to know what I'm really eating. Stepping on the scale and seeing 159 this morning was hard, but even when I try to make the best of the situation when eating out, it doesn't always work.

Just a thought that I had today. I really wish the legislation that passed a while back (I believe it's part of the health care law now in contention in the Surpreme Court) was more comprehensive, and went into effect sooner. Our health really can't wait for them to make up their minds...

Mirror, Mirror On the Wall...

Why do you keep messing with my head???

I've really managed to get my mind off of the idea that "weight loss equals progress", even though I still weigh daily, I don't put nearly as much emphasis on what the number is. So, I'm trying to measure in other ways like taking body measurements or just judging how I look in the mirror.

Which I've realized is driving me crazier than the scale sometimes!

My mirror at home is slightly messed up, it kind of bends so it looks like a funhouse mirror, and thus I tend to think I look fat. I put on a pair of jeans and a top and I'm convinced my stomach looks puffy. Then the next day I'll be wearing a different outfit and look in the bathroom mirror at work and think of how tiny my waist looks. The inability to put a number on my appearance is oddly stressing me out.

I like what I see with the muscles in my upper body, but I hate the squishy stomach. I like my toned calves and hate my still thick thighs. I think I just need to stop looking at before and after pictures because it's not what I'm going to look like. I don't know if the dreaded pooch will ever go away. Or if my thighs will ever slim down. So instead of shifting my focus away from the scale and onto something more productive, I just end up fixating on something else. And then I see that people were able to go from 200 lbs all the way down to 120 or 130 and I wonder what in the world is stopping me from getting past 150. It's not an unrealistic expectation. I'm only 5'2.5", a healthy BMI is 141 at the top of the range! Have I really screwed my body up that bad in the first 23 years than I can't get to a healthy weight? And no, I'm not considered overweight because I'm packing serious muscle. I have more than the average person, I'd guess, but there's still enough body fat where I could lose 10 lbs and look SO much better.

It's just hard to measure progress without a scale, because my mind plays tricks on me. Between that and the lingering irritation with my inability to get down to a healthy weight really frustrates me to no end. I didn't expect to magically be skinny, but after busting my butt for 2 years, I never thought I'd get stuck before I even hit a healthy BMI. I know I'm not an angel, I still eat unhealthy food on occasion or drink. But I eat my calories, I eat healthy, and I workout 5 times a week. Something doesn't add up... It's just that after 2 years, I really wonder if anything will work.

Results!!! - NROLFW Phase 1 DONE!

I've finally completed Phase 1 of the New Rules of Lifting for Women (NROLFW)!!! It was definitely a step outside my comfort zone, but now I've become a regular on the weights side of the gym. Guys say hello, personal trainers help me with my questions, and I get the occasional "that tiny girl is lifting heavier than me!!" glare. Gotta love those moments... I relish in having one attempt to help me like I have NO clue what I'm doing, only for me to adjust the squat rack and load up 135 lbs onto it like it's nothing.

Onto the awesome part... my results! I started on February 27th with Workout 1A, so just over 5 weeks ago. I took measurements and weighed myself to start. Here's the changes!

Change in Measurements:
Waist - 33" to 30.5" (-2.5")
Hips - 39" to 37.5" (-1.5")
Thigh - 24" to 24" (no change)
Calf - 16" to 15.5" (-0.5")
Bicep - 12" to 12" (no change... but I see muscle now!)
Chest - 36" to 36" (no change... phew!)

Body fat % - 29.7% to 28.9% (not sure how much I trust this number though, the handheld device was all over the place)

Weight: 157.0 to 156.1 lbs (the scale went up to 158+ then back down to 156 and now it's hovering between 156-158)

Now for the awesome part... the difference in the weights I started with and the weights I lifted this past week for the last workouts. It's AMAZING to see the difference. I definitely started out a bit light until I knew what I was doing. Now I'm like, eh, what's another 5 lbs? I'll drop the weight down a bit if I can't do it with good form (CRUCIAL PEOPLE! Don't get hurt!).

Workout A:
Squats - 40 lbs to 135 lbs (I discovered the squat rack for workout 2 and jumped up to 65 lbs immediately)
Push-ups - I could do 15 reps with my hands on a weight bench (30 degree incline) and I finished with 8 reps of pushups with my toes on the squishy part of a Bosu ball for added difficulty.
Seated Row - 70 lbs to 105 lbs
Step-ups - Holding a 10 lb medicine ball to holding 50 lbs total (25 lbs per side) of kettlebells
Prone jacknives - I've always done 15 reps of these, I've been trying to keep my legs straighter tho

Workout B:
Deadlifts - 60 lbs to 115 lbs
Dumbbells Shoulder Press - 12 lbs weights in each hand to 20 lb weights in each hand
Wide-grip Lat Pulldown - 60 lbs to 100 lbs
Lunges - 20 lb kettlebells in each hand to 30 lb kettlebells in each hand
Swiss Ball Crunches - 10 lb medicine ball above my head to 20 lb dumbbell above my head

I'm taking half a week off since I'm going to Jersey to see the family for Easter weekend. I'll start Phase 2 on Monday, whoot! That one is shorter, it's only 8 workouts, so I'd imagine it will take about 3 weeks to complete. I'll do another progress blog update after that. My goals for this 3 week period:

- Try to cut back on processed carbs (not eliminate, but I snack on carbs quite a bit, I need more fresh food)
- Try to log on the weekends so I hold myself accountable.
- NOT FOCUS ON THE SCALE! Since judging by these results, it's full of crap, haha.