Friday, April 13, 2012

Mirror, Mirror On the Wall...

Why do you keep messing with my head???

I've really managed to get my mind off of the idea that "weight loss equals progress", even though I still weigh daily, I don't put nearly as much emphasis on what the number is. So, I'm trying to measure in other ways like taking body measurements or just judging how I look in the mirror.

Which I've realized is driving me crazier than the scale sometimes!

My mirror at home is slightly messed up, it kind of bends so it looks like a funhouse mirror, and thus I tend to think I look fat. I put on a pair of jeans and a top and I'm convinced my stomach looks puffy. Then the next day I'll be wearing a different outfit and look in the bathroom mirror at work and think of how tiny my waist looks. The inability to put a number on my appearance is oddly stressing me out.

I like what I see with the muscles in my upper body, but I hate the squishy stomach. I like my toned calves and hate my still thick thighs. I think I just need to stop looking at before and after pictures because it's not what I'm going to look like. I don't know if the dreaded pooch will ever go away. Or if my thighs will ever slim down. So instead of shifting my focus away from the scale and onto something more productive, I just end up fixating on something else. And then I see that people were able to go from 200 lbs all the way down to 120 or 130 and I wonder what in the world is stopping me from getting past 150. It's not an unrealistic expectation. I'm only 5'2.5", a healthy BMI is 141 at the top of the range! Have I really screwed my body up that bad in the first 23 years than I can't get to a healthy weight? And no, I'm not considered overweight because I'm packing serious muscle. I have more than the average person, I'd guess, but there's still enough body fat where I could lose 10 lbs and look SO much better.

It's just hard to measure progress without a scale, because my mind plays tricks on me. Between that and the lingering irritation with my inability to get down to a healthy weight really frustrates me to no end. I didn't expect to magically be skinny, but after busting my butt for 2 years, I never thought I'd get stuck before I even hit a healthy BMI. I know I'm not an angel, I still eat unhealthy food on occasion or drink. But I eat my calories, I eat healthy, and I workout 5 times a week. Something doesn't add up... It's just that after 2 years, I really wonder if anything will work.


  1. I know how you feel. You have come so much further than I have but I have hit the same barriers already. I have had two HUGE plateaus and working like a machine and trying everything I could try still didn't help - even when i still had 65lbs to lose. It's hard and it takes hard work and I wish I had some revolutionary advice for you and for me but I don't know if it's out there. We just have to keep trucking. It sucks ahah.

  2. Like Baily, I too, know how you feel. My mirror doesn't bend, but that comparison to what I want to look like and what I do look like sometimes makes me sad, but, I just turn it around as I cannot quit. After eighteen months I have lost 157 pounds and 24 inches around the waist. My biceps are bigger (noticeably) and my legs and back look great. What keeps me at it is the occasional question or comment that I look great and how do I do it. That is enough for now. Maybe I'll never get that rock hard body, but I am so much better today than when I started, that I now focus on just keeping it off and maybe getting more toned.

    So, hang in there, and keep sharing your progress.